On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
