need another drink. this is the easiest way
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize