I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You pole danced in your parka.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
