I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
