It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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