To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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