I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
