even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize