I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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