I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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