We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
