You're so nebulous sometimes
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mom said you looked used
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
