Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
