be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
