Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is the high leading the old right now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
