Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
