I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
