it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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