Who wears a wallet chain?!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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