Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize