Ketchup is God's man juice
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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