I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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