Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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