is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
