can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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