let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
