I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
