so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
