I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
