I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
