There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Please don't give away my fajitas
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
