We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize