I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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