After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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