Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
