i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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