tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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