I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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