So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
