Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
