Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
