There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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