the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
