i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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