i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
