I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
