Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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