i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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