my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
