oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
