i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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