Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
