Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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