did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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