I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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