would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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