I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
