we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
