I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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