Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
