Swine flu is the new snow day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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