I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
