we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Panties = found
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
