I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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