Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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