Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
