Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
