some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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