but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
