so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize