So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
