My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize