I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
