Umm I'm too high to move.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
