I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
