Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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