I wanna passion pit in your ass
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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