my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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