i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
